Funny English story

by Nhoi Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:52 pm

Tớ lập ra topic để mọi người đọc giải trí là chính, nếu bố mẹ có hỏi thì bảo là đag học tiếng anh nhá cười

Bomb

3 people were on a plane. One said to the pilot, "I have a glass bottle. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. The second one asked the same question and the pilot also told him to throw it out the window. The third one asked the pilot, "I have a bomb. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. When they landed they met a man crying. When asked why he was crying, he replied, "Because I got hit in the head with a glass bottle. They met a woman who was crying for the same reason. Then the met a man laughing. They asked him why he was laughing and he replied, "Because I walked by a building and farted. Then the building blew up.

by Nhoi Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:53 pm

Bring it back
A man enters a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave
around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a
nearby drawer.

"Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the
man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone
else does!"

by Nhoi Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:54 pm

Mary
There was a married couple sleeping and an
intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and
said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your
name?"
"My name is Mary," the woman replied.
The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also
named Mary, so I can't kill you."
The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?"
"My name's Phillip, but my friends call me Mary."

by Nhoi Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:54 pm

Wedding color
Attending a wedding for the first time, a
little girl whispered
to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her
life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said.... "So why is the groom wearing
black?"

by Nhoi Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:04 am

Your horse phoned

This man was sitting quietly reading his
paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and
whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

MAN: "What was that for?"
WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou
written on it?"
MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was
the name of one of the horses I bet on."

The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.Three
days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan
swatting.

MAN: "What the hell was that for this time?"
WIFE: "Your horse phoned."

by Nhoi Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:05 am

Checking

The blonde reported for her University final
examination, which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in
the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of
inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking
the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done
whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half an hour. But now I am rechecking my answers."

by Nhoi Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:05 am

Insist ...
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later, the small boy called for his father, "Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later, the small boy called again,
"Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY... Can I have a glass of water?"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'm gonna spank
you!"
Five minutes later, the small boy called again,
"Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass
of water?"

by Nhoi Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:06 am

Richie Rich
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He
had everything: money, a big house in Beverly Hills, women, cars, planes, bonds and
stocks; anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his
pool with crocodiles. So at the party, he and his friends are all standing around drinking
and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends
look up.
He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first person
that swims across my pool will get all of my money." No one moves. The guy looks over
the crowd and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money
and my house." Still no one moves.
"OK then, the first person that swims across my pool
gets all my money, my house, and all my cars and planes." Still, no one moves, not
even an eye blinks this time.
"Ok then, all my money, my house, all my cars and
planes, all of my property, all my stocks, bonds and investments and all the pussy you can
handle; everything I own."
"SPLASH!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are
all over him, but he rolls over like tarzan - he's all over the place, fighting and
dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side.
The rich guy on the tower jumps down and runs over to him.
"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done! Do you want
the money now or later?"
"I don't want the money."
"Do you want the house now or later?"
"I don't want the house."
"Do you want the cars or the planes?"
"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or
later?"
"I don't want that either."
"Do you want the girls now or later?"
"I don't want the girls."
The rich man looks at him and says, "Well, what the
hell do you want?!?!" "I want the mother-fucker that pushed me in."

by Nhung Nhí Nhố Mon Oct 30, 2017 7:59 pm

hic k giỏi tiếng anh

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